8 Escapist Airbnbs That Will Make You Question Your Life Choices

See your dreams of luxurious hutong living made manifest with this central Beijing rental, but without the cracked plumbing, dodgy electricity, and professional-grade interfering neighbors. Then go back to all of those things, and take a long, hard look at your bank account balance.

The minimalist design and floor-and-ceiling windows mean that there is nothing about this beautiful Airbnb near the Great Wall to distract you from the fact that you could have afforded to buy it yourself if only you'd invested in Bitcoin back in 2010, or built a scent-map app for dogs like your Aunt Brenda suggested. You've got to be hungry. HUNGRY!

This central Beijing Airbnb overlooking the CBD has a ball-pit overlooking the sweeping city views, instead of a luxurious bath. Why? We can only assume the owners are so rich that they have 14 other view-overlooking bathtubs elsewhere. But you won't get to use them, and that's just fine because let's face it, with the life choices you've made you don't deserve the bath. Yet.

"Beam me up, Scotty!" You'll want to cry this when you check into this luxurious Beijing mansion. "As far away from this planet and my student loans as you can!" you'll add, as you lie beneath the bizarre bed canopy, hoping for the extraterrestrial intervention into your sad, Earth-bound life that will never, ever come. So what's the solution? Be your own alien intervention. #thinkaboutit

You know that scratchy nub of resentment you feel about having chosen to live in Beijing instead of in other, more temperate climes? Book yourself into this Airbnb, and you can loom over the Shanghai skyline while nursing that resentment, until it grows many thin, lustrous outer layers and glows balefully in the moonlike, just like the moniker of the Pearl of the Orient itself. Productive!

If only you'd apply yourself a little bit, you too could be the kind of person who would own and decorate a handsome home such as this one. Well, you'd probably still have to phone in some help because you've never actually been exposed to such cultivation, but that's the joy of being super rich: you can outsource literally anything, even your own personal preferences! How inspiring.

As a former teenage girl, I feel qualified to state that no sane human should ever seek to return to that stage of life. Should you make the mistake of booking this horrifying pastel upchuck of a Chengdu apartment, you can always go into the empty telephone booth to do your screaming. On the other hand, it might be the shock you need to turn your life around. Earn more money so there is less of it to go around to the kinds of people who designed this apartment. It's for the common good.

But don't, though. Once you've cycled through this list of staycation rentals, we think you'll have enough motivation to turn that life-ship around! We believe in you, fam. Then you can get down to the Shanghai marina, book this entire boat, and toast to all the poor sods you left behind. Now that's real living!