Be An Informed Citizen Prior to Voting in the Pizza Cup
If you’re following the commentary surrounding the US Presidential Election, you probably have formulated some opinion regarding what’s happening: it may be ardent support for a particular candidate, downright disgust for another, or it may be that your opinion is grounded in apathy.
Regardless of what you think, politics is serious stuff; it’s ominously definitive (think Brexit), and at times confusing. Why couldn’t things be simpler?
Well, we here at the Beijinger have taken it upon ourselves to distract you from all the US election claptrap you'll be inundated with between now and the November 8 presidential election: we're replacing politics with pizza.
Who’s going to be the next president of the United States: Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton? Guess what? Nobody cares.
Which pizzeria is Beijing’s best? Now that’s a personal issue I’m willing to invest my emotional energy into.
Now I want you to click on the graphic below, it’s the competition bracket from last year’s Pizza Cup … study it, learn from it, embrace it!
How did your favorite pizza joint fare? Did they get eliminated in the earlier stages of the tournament? If so, how does that make you feel? Angry? Infuriated? The point is: I want you to care, I want you to be emotionally roiled up … I want you to clench your fist and say: dammit this isn’t right! Don't get mad at us, though: This bracket isn’t rigged, it’s a mere representation of foodie democracy in action: our readership votes, the votes are tallied, then we report who won (that's how democracy works, right?).
If you're looking for someone to blame, blame ignorance. Yes, ignorance is the real culprit. Ignorance is the real reason why foodie-imposters don’t bother with the lesser-known pizza places – ignorance also happens to be why one presidential nominee is leading his/her party at the moment, but I digress … back to the real serious stuff (stuffed-crust, of course).
Henceforth, to counter this scourge of pizza ignorance our capital faces, the Beijinger is launching a full-fledged campaign that will incentivize the general public to eat more pizza. That’s right, starting September 15, expect more pie for your kuai, as bargains on pizza deals proliferate the city.
Here’s How it Will Work:
Pies For The People (Sep 15-Nov 7):
Exercise some civic responsibility (and your metabolism) by choosing to expand your pizza horizons. Your starting point: The Beijinger’s Official Pizza Cup page, which will be updated in due time to include a list of downright socialist (Bernie Sanders-approved) bargains that anyone can afford, even if the boss of the fly-by-night English cram school you've been moonlighting at skipped town and immigrated to Canada before payday.
These cheap and cheesy bargains will be facilitated through digital coupons that simply need be presented at a given restaurant (ahh … utilizing technology to facilitate your indulgences, it’s strangely empowering, wouldn’t you agree?).
Pizza Fest (October 15-16):
Truth be told, we all belong to the same political party – the Pizza Party. All the infighting with regards to toppings and crusts can be cast aside – at least until the general pie-lection (see below) – as the Pizza Fest is a time for solidarity… and beer, and music, and stage performances. This year’s festival, held on the grounds of Wangjing SOHO, will be the largest gathering of pizzas in 5,000 years of Chinese history. It’s going to be...
...huge (say it like a megalomaniac: HUUUUUUGE!);
...bigger than this pizza (served at last year’s Pizza Fest)...
...grander than the splendid curvature of the venue itself...
...and perhaps more record-setting than, dare we say, how fast it took this man to eat a 12-inch pizza.
Pizza Cup Voting Bracket (Oct 17-Nov 7):
This is it … foodie democracy in action, the culmination of all your dutiful efforts, tasting all those glorious pies over the past month. Be proud that you’re an informed voter, share your expertise (perhaps by writing a review) and lobby your friends and co-workers to vote. Remember, don’t take the right to cast your pizza ballot for granted, there was a time when such privilege didn’t exist!
The voting schedule comprises six rounds, with each round lasting several days. So remember to vote early and often, because in the slightly altered words of the venerable Ralph Nader:
If you don't turn on to pizza, pizza will turn – perhaps folded into a calzone – on you.