14 Emotions You'll Only Understand If You've Lived in Beijing
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Ah, Beijing. It lures you in from afar with its mysterious siren song and holds you in its loving embrace for far longer than you ever expected. With its wide, sweeping avenues, majestic colonial architecture, verdant green spaces, white sandy beaches... Oh wait, sorry, we're thinking about our next vacation.
Whether you've lived here for one week or a whole lifetime, the 'Jing really makes an impression on you. Here are emotions that only other Beijingers will be able to understand.
Chinglishiousness: The giddy happiness one feels when spotting a particularly aggregious assault on the English language on a sign or article of fashion.
AQIdealization: The joy one feels after one of Beijing’s notorious bouts of smog lifts and you immediately plan a picnic in Chaoyang Park because the air is only five times worse than what the US EPA recommends as safe, instead of the usual ten.
Didi-light: The warm feeling you get when opening the Didi app and instantaneously getting a driver who is less than a minute away, without a congestion charge.
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VP-ennui: The feeling of utter weariness and discontent resulting from the inability of your VPN service to provide reliable, speedy access to Facebook, YouTube, and other firewalled sites.
Shat-endenfreude: That satisfying feeling you get when you walk by an unfortunate soul taking a dump in an open-door hutong public squat toilet in the dead of winter, knowing that you have a warm seat in your bathroom at home.
ATM-bolism: The near fatal head of steam that builds up in your frustrated brain when you are stuck behind someone doing a months’ worth of financial transactions at the only ATM in the region.
WeChattel: One that is completely subservient to the dominating influence of their WeChat account and rarely looks up from their phone. (See also: Everybody)
Shanghate: That jealous feeling that builds up inside you when you learn that something – the air, the F&B choices, the internationalization – of our southerly neighbor exceeds Beijing.
Kebabination: The outrage a Beijinger feels when being sold a chuan'r with a miserly portion of lamb meat on it for RMB 5, when back in the day we used to get kebabs as fat as your forearm for RMB 1.
Gulou-ded: A feeling of euphoria as a consequence of having one too many Yanjings from hutong bars near Nanluogu Xiang.
Mask Envy: That feeling you get when someone passes by you on an AQI 300-plus day wearing a fancier high-tech mask than you.
Characterified: The feeling of desperation Mandarin learners feel when scanning a headline in Chinese and utterly failing to understand even the very gist of it, despite years of grueling study.
Hutongled: The mysterious and mildly unpleasant feeling of claustrophobia one gets when lost looking for that one hole-in-the-wall joint in Dongcheng.
Bureacrazy: What we feel after attempting to open a bank account or get a visa processed.
Images: Flickr.com, Unsplash.com
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