Know These 5 Chinese Wedding Traditions Before You Marry
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It is commonly said that when you marry a Chinese person, you marry their entire family. That's because familial relationships are incredibly important in China, and like most countries, there is an abundance of quirky traditions, depending on the area or location. Long gone are the days when the bride's family would be gifted an entire roasted hog in exchange for their daughter, but there are still a number of customs that hold true across weddings in China. Below are five conventions to keep in mind in preparation for the big day.
The groom picks up the bride on the morning of the wedding
In the West, the bride is often "delivered" to the groom by her father or a member of her family, but here in China, it's the groom's job to collect the bride on the morning of the wedding. That may sound easy enough but in fact the bridesmaids usually prepare a set of challenges and obstacles that the groom – with the help of his groomsmen – must overcome before he's allowed to take his bride away. Popular challenges today include making the groomsmen do push-ups, thread needles, recite the bride's cell phone number from memory, or answer a quiz about her extended family, and so on.
Additionally, the bride's feet should not touch the ground on the day of her wedding until after the ceremony is complete. To delay the process, the bride's shoes will often be hidden by the bridesmaids, preventing the groom from taking her away. To expedite the process, the groom can also cough up and give the bridesmaids red packets (红包 hóngbāo) in exchange for clues to help them through these challenges. When the groom finally “wins” the bride, he must carry her to the car. For that reason, it's probably wise not to skip arm day if you happen to be the groom.
Instead of wedding gifts, you will receive money instead!
Can't fault this one, folks. Guests at Chinese weddings will ordinarily prepare hongbao containing sums of money that correspond to lucky numbers in Chinese culture as well as how close you are to the newlyweds (think RMB 888, RMB 999, RMB 666, or if you're really close, RMB 1,314, a homophone of 一生一世 yīshēng yīshì i.e. "a lifetime"). Don't be surprised at how transparent this process can be compared to Western standards with one person assigned as the official money counter, opening your packet and noting how much you gave (with the same amount likely to be returned to you when the occasion calls for it). Although the total sum of the wedding hongbao probably won’t make up for the cost of the wedding, it’s still better than a gift that you won’t ever use!
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The bride is likely to make multiple costume changes
While it used to be very standard for the bride to wear a red 旗袍 qípáo, a traditional Chinese dress throughout her wedding day (often embroidered with gold thread for luck), these days it is more and more common for brides to also wear a white Western-style wedding gown at some point during the day. A white dress may actually take the prime position during the ceremony before the bride changes into another dress for the reception dinner.
If you're the groom, you'll probably get drunk
One of the more unique features of a Chinese wedding is the tradition of the newlyweds visiting every table during the reception dinner to greet the guests. The groom traditionally has to welcome the guests before taking a shot of 白酒 báijiǔ with each table. Since there are usually around 10 tables, you can imagine that things can get pretty messy, but there is a solution: a smart groom will swap his shots of baijiu for water so as to actually be able to remember the day and avoid starting married life with a raging hangover the next morning.
You need to prepare candy
Usually, wedding guests are given 囍糖 xǐtáng "double happiness candy" or treats to take home with them after the wedding. After the big day, the newly married couple should distribute xitang to their colleagues and friends to further spread the joy with those around them. It might get a bit awkward if you give candy to a friend who wasn't invited to the actual wedding, but generally, these small gifts will be appreciated by the receiver.
Above all, remember to relax and go with the flow! Even if you are unfamiliar with some of the more eccentric Chinese traditions come the big day, an open mind will go a long way to making sure that you and your partner have the best start to your new life together.
READ: Confusion Reigns Among Foreign Couples Over New Marriage Restrictions
Image: Unsplash.com, easyweddings.com.au, thewifeoftheparty.com, kxan36news.com, bridestory.com
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