Cold Feet: Why Aren't Beijingers Tying the Knot?

It was not the first time I had been hassled by relatives about it, but the truth is: I don't intend to get married anytime soon. At least until I can find the right one, that is. Marriage, for me, is a huge commitment. What's wrong with trying to live my own life without constant worries about how to make another one happy by sacrificing your own needs or freedom?

I am certainly not alone in thinking this. Most 80s and 90s babies who were born into the period when China still had its one-child policy will say the same. If there is one thing you should know only children, it is they are not used to sharing things, not to mention having to get used to living with another person. Growing up, I was one of those kids who would carefully guard my own territory, not letting anyone step in my bedroom without permission. If I could hang a no trespassing sign on my doorknob, I would. It would be overwhelminging and would surely take me a while to get used to welcoming a new intruder into my personal space where it has been left untouched for so long.

But not being used to having someone in their lives isn't a sufficient excuse for why so many young people are not getting married in Beijing. The reality is, when looking for partners, parents often get in the way of their children making their own judgments of their partners. They impose certain qualities they are looking for in a partner on their children. Chinese parents cannot be more aware of how much financial stress there is for their children to make a living in Beijing. The general agreement among them is that women should seek a guy that can at least afford a house and car before marriage. But this is certainly no easy task for men, considering the skyrocketing housing prices in Beijing, therefore making it a huge financial burden for men who are delaying marriage until they can save up enough. Meanwhile, Beijingers are now seeing the highest divorce rates among all provinces in China as 37 percent of marriages end in divorce. (Jilin, the second-highest, sees a rate of just 33 percent.) That doesn't bode well for those diving hastily into an unsure marriage.

On the other hand, major cities, including Beijing, have seen a mindset shift on women's traditional roles in a house. Men are no longer perceived as sole breadwinners in Chinese society, while women are often vested in achieving financial independence on their own. When a certain group of women are transforming themselves to adapt to a world where they no longer need men to support them financially, they don't really mind staying single if they cannot find a compatible partner. Marriage for them is certainly not considered the end goal to achieve a well-lived life.

advertisement