TED | 如何才能和同事融洽相处,这3点建议至关重要

中文讲稿

00:18

2013年，我在旧金山一个国际工程公司担任行政人员。那是我梦想的工作。我能发挥自己多年学习到的技能：叙述能力、社会影响力和行为改变力。我当时担任营销和文化主管，并和全国最大的医疗系统协作，利用科技和文化的变化来大量减少他们对能源和水的消耗，从而增加他们的社会影响力。我的所作所为的确改变了世界。然而，这却是我体验过的最糟糕的职场经历。

00:54

我重重地触到了玻璃天花板（意为受到了职场歧视），这深深地伤害了我。尽管有更大的问题，但大多数都是关于行为模式的细枝末节，正是这些琐碎的事情逐渐让我丧失了工作热情。他们打击了我的自信心、领导力和创新能力。比如我在公司的第一次演讲。我站在房间的前面，展示了我觉得公司应该采取的正确策略。这正是我被雇佣的目的。而当我环顾房间里行政部门的同事，发现他们都在摆弄手机，或者低头看着电脑。他们根本没在认真听。当我开始说话时，有人开始插嘴了，人们一次又一次地用声音盖过我。我的一些想法被直接无视，之后被其他人提出，却得到了拥护。我是那个房间唯一的女性。我需要一个盟友。

01:54

像这样的小事日复一日地发生，逐渐侵蚀着我。很快，我就感到筋疲力竭。在这段人生低谷，我恰好读到了一篇文章，关于有害的办公室文化和轻微的冒犯行为。例如每天有意无意的怠慢、侮辱、负面的语言和行为，不管是有意还是无意，都让我无法高效地工作。这听起来很熟悉。我开始意识到，不是我的能力有问题，而是我身边的文化在让我举步维艰。我并不是个例。

02:31

像这样的行为，每天都在影响着办公室里不同文化背景的人。而且这一现象也切实影响着我们的同事、我们的公司和我们的合作创新能力。在科技行业，我们通常都习惯于寻找快速的解决方案。但是纠正多样性和包容性的魔法并不存在。改变只能一个人一个人、一次一次、一字一句地发生。

03:01

如果我们不在意多元化和包容性，就会忽视弱势群体的重要性，我们要一起解决这个问题。解决方案从摆脱我们对成功和机遇的认知开始。我们从小就被教导，一分耕耘，一分收获，我们会得到我们应得的，梦想成真。但这句话并非对所有人都适用。有些人需要付出10倍的努力，才能获得一样的地位，因为他们需要面对社会中的诸多障碍。你的性别、你的肤色、你的种族、你的宗教、你的残疾、你的性取向、你的社会阶层，和你的所在地，这些都会决定你会获得多少机会。

03:48

这就是为什么我们需要盟友。盟友可以帮助我们了解机遇上的不公，并想方设法改变它。同盟是去了解你身边的人，和原本应该与你并肩作战的人。先去了解他们的困境，然后帮助他们成功，继而实现共赢。当我们一起努力创造一个更多元化和包容的集体，数据显示，我们会更有创造力、更有效率，并能创造更多价值。

04:19

那么，谁是盟友？我们所有人。我们都是彼此的盟友。作为一个在美国的白人女性，在很多方面我都是有优势的，而在有些方面则不然。我每天都努力工作，成为比我出境更艰难的人的盟友。但是我也需要盟友。

04:38

在科技行业，和其他行业一样，有很多人受到了忽视，或者面对着障碍和歧视。女性，非传统性别——就是不被男女性别所定义的人——肤色和种族上的少数族群、LGBTQIA、残疾人、退役军人、所有超过35岁的人。

05:03

在科技行业，我们对年轻有些许偏爱。当然还有更多其他人。总有人比你的处境更差，就在这个讲台上、在这个房间里。你的公司、团队和你居住的城市中，这样的人也比比皆是。所以，人们因为不同的原因组建同盟。找到你自己的理由。这个理由可以是商业管理，因为数据显示，有多元化和包容性的团队会更有效率、更有创造力，能产生更多价值。也可以是因为公平和社会公正。因为我们有着很长的压迫和不公平的历史，我们需要一起协作。或者也可以是为了你的孩子，让你的孩子能够在公正公平中长大。长大后，他们也可以给他人创造机会。找到你的理由。对我而言，理由有三。找到你的理由来帮助身边需要你的人。

05:58

那么作为盟友，你可以做什么？首先，不伤害他人。作为同盟，我们的工作是了解何为轻微的冒犯，做到不伤害别人。做为盟友，我们的工作是倾听，是学习，是放弃已知的，是重新适应，是犯错，并继续学习。认真地对待我。关掉你的电脑，放下你的手机，把注意力放在我身上。如果有新来的人，或者房间里只有一个跟他一样的人，或者他们只是紧张，这些小的举动都会有很大的影响。

06:34

不要打断别人说话。弱势群体说话最有可能被打断，所以请别打断，并倾听。支持，并提供积极反馈。如果我有一个好点子，支持我的主意予以肯定，我们就能一起进步。学会我用来描述自己的词语。知道如何念我的名字。知道我的称呼，他、她和他们。知道我用来描述我的残疾、种族和宗教的用词。这一点对很多人真的很重要，所以如果你不知道，请问我。倾听并学习。

07:13

一个高管最近告诉过我，在他的团队里建立同盟之后，整个团队开始对自己打断别人的行为主动表示歉意。“我很抱歉，我打断了你。请继续。”“嘿，她有一个很好的主意。我们一起来听听吧。”

07:33

第二，支持弱势群体，从小事做起。简单的干预可以改变整个房间的气氛。如果你看见房间里有一个弱势群体中的人，她没有受到重视，说话被打断，做些什么，说些什么。邀请弱势群体的人加入对话。不要拒绝对弱势群体的邀请。介绍某人一份工作，并鼓励他们接受这份工作和这个新的机会。这真的很重要——让盟友变成常态。如果你是优势人群中的一员，支持你的同盟就简单多了。所以用你的优势来改变现状。

08:15

第三，大幅改观他人的生活。在职场中给予他人陪伴。教导或者帮助他们，给他们成长的机会。志愿服务——参与一个STEM的项目，服务弱势群体中的年轻人。让你的团队更多元和包容，并投身于改变现状。让你和你的团队共同承担这份责任。

08:40

最后，在全公司范围内倡导这件事。当公司教会他们的人成为盟友，多元化和包容性的气氛就会更重。你我都可以成为盟友，不管是否与工作有关。

08:58

我最近意识到，我心中一直都怀有羞耻和恐惧，当在我的职业生涯中感到孤单、沮丧和无助的时候。世界上有数百万跟我经历相似的人。互相支持很简单。当我们在彼此身旁的时候，当我们互相支持的时候，我们就能够一起成功。当我们成功时，我们就拥有了更好的团队，更好的产品和更好的公司。同盟力量超乎你的想象。尝试一下吧。

09:35

谢谢。

The End

英文讲稿

00:18

In 2013, I was an executive at an international engineering firm in San Francisco. It was my dream job. A culmination of all the skills that I've acquired over the years: storytelling, social impact, behavior change. I was the head of marketing and culture and I worked with the nation's largest health care systems, using technology and culture change to radically reduce their energy and water use and to improve their social impact. I was creating real change in the world. And it was the worst professional experience of my life. 

00:54

I hit the glass ceiling hard. It hurt like hell. While there were bigger issues, most of what happened were little behaviors and patterns that slowly chipped away at my ability to do my work well. They ate away at my confidence, my leadership, my capacity to innovate. For example, my first presentation at the company. I walk up to the front of the room to give a presentation on the strategy that I believe is right for the company. The one they hired me to create. And I look around the room at my fellow executives. And I watch as they pick up their cell phones and look down at their laptops. They're not paying attention. As soon as I start to speak, the interruptions begin and people talk over me again and again and again. Some of my ideas are flat out dismissed and then brought up by somebody else and championed. I was the only woman in that room. And I could have used an ally. 

01:54

Little behaviors and pattern like this, every day, again and again, they wear you down. Pretty soon, my energy was absolutely tapped. At a real low point, I read an article about toxic workplace culture and microaggressions. Microaggressions -- everyday slights, insults, negative verbal and nonverbal communication, whether intentional or not, that impede your ability to do your work well. That sounded familiar. I started to realize that I wasn't failing. The culture around me was failing me. And I wasn't alone. 

02:31

Behaviors and patterns like this every day affect underrepresented people of all backgrounds in the workplace. And that has a real impact on our colleagues, on our companies and our collective capacity to innovate. So, in the tech industry, we want quick solutions. But there is no magic wand for correcting diversity and inclusion. Change happens one person at a time, one act at a time, one word at a time. 

03:01

We make a mistake when we see diversity and inclusion as that side project over there the diversity people are working on, rather than this work inside all of us that we need to do together. And that work begins with unlearning what we know about success and opportunity. We've been told our whole lives that if we work hard, that hard work pays off, we'd get what we deserve, we'd live our dream. But that isn't true for everyone. Some people have to work 10 times as hard to get to the same place due to many barriers put in front of them by society. Your gender, your race, your ethnicity, your religion, your disability, your sexual orientation, your class, your geography, all of these can give you more of fewer opportunities for success. 

03:48

And that's where allyship comes in. Allyship is about understanding that imbalance in opportunity and working to correct it. Allyship is really seeing the person next to us. And the person missing, who should be standing next to us. And first, just knowing what they're going through. And then, helping them succeed and thrive with us. When we work together to develop more diverse and inclusive teams, data shows we will be more innovative, more productive and more profitable. 

04:19

So, who is an ally? All of us. We can all be allies for each other. As a white, cisgendered woman in the United States, there are many ways I'm very privileged. And some ways I'm not. And I work hard every day to be an ally for people with less privilege than me. And I still need allies, too. 

04:38

In the tech industry, like in many industries, there are many people who are underrepresented, or face barriers and discrimination. Women, people who are nonbinary -- so people who don't necessarily identify as man or woman -- racial and ethnic minorities, LGBTQIA, people with disabilities, veterans, anybody over age 35. 

05:03

We have a major bias toward youth in the tech industry. And many others. There is always someone with less privilege than you. On this stage, in this room. At your company, on your team, in your city or town. So, people are allies for different reasons. Find your reason. It could be for the business case, because data shows diverse and inclusive teams will be more productive, more profitable and more innovative. It could be for fairness and social justice. Because we have a long history of oppression and inequity that we need to work on together. Or it could be for your kids, so your kids grow up with equal opportunities. And they grow up creating equal opportunities for others. Find your reason. For me, it's all three. Find your reason and step up to be there for someone who needs you. 

05:58

So, what can you do as an ally? Start by doing no harm. It's our job as allies to know what microaggressions are and to not do them. It's our job as allies to listen, to learn, to unlearn and to relearn, and to make mistakes and to keep learning. Give me your full attention. Close your laptops, put down your cellphones and pay attention. If somebody is new or the only person in the room like them, or they're just nervous, this is going to make a huge difference in how they show up. 

06:34

Don't interrupt. Underrepresented people are more likely to be interrupted, so just take a step back and listen. Echo and attribute. If I have a great idea, echo my idea and then attribute it to me, and we thrive together. Learn the language I use to describe my identity. Know how to pronounce my name. Know my pronouns -- he, she, they. Know the language I use to describe my disability, my ethnicity, my religion. This really matters to people, so if you don't know, just ask. Listen and learn. 

07:13

An executive told me recently that after doing allyship on his team, the whole team started to normalize calling themselves out and each other out for interrupting. "I'm so sorry I'm interrupting you right now, carry on." "Hey, she's got a great idea, let's listen." 

07:33

Number two, advocate for underrepresented people in small ways. Intervene; you can change the power dynamics in the room. If you see somebody is the only person in the room like them and they are being belittled, they are being interrupted, do something, say something. Invite underrepresented people to speak. And say no to panels without underrepresented speakers. Refer someone for a job and encourage them to take that job and to take new opportunities. And this one's really important -- help normalize allyship. If you're a person with privilege, it's easier for you to advocate for allies. So use that privilege to create change. 

08:15

Three, change someone's life significantly. So, be there for somebody throughout their career. Mentor or sponsor them, give them opportunities as they grow. Volunteer -- volunteer for a STEM program, serving underserved youth. Transform your team to be more diverse and inclusive. And make real commitments to creating change here. Hold yourself and your team accountable for creating change. 

08:40

And lastly, help advocate for change across your company. When companies teach their people to be allies, diversity and inclusion programs are stronger. You and I can be allies for each other, whether we're inside or outside of work. 

08:58

So, I realized recently that I still have lingering shame and fear from that moment in my career when I felt utterly alone, shut out and unsupported. There are millions of people out there, like me, right now, feeling that way. And it doesn't take much for us to be there for each other. And when we're there for each other, when we support one another, we thrive together. And when we thrive, we build better teams, better products and better companies. Allyship is powerful. Try it. 

09:35

Thank you. 

The End