Humans of China 人在中国 （第130）北京93岁裹小脚的老太太

Foot binding was painful. I didn't know how to relive the pain and crying didn't help. I know because back then I cried a lot. I was eight years old and I really didn't agree but I had no choice - my mum made me. 

I can't remember the first time I bound my feet as it was a long time ago. I remember we bought pieces of long white cloth, about three feet long. After my mum bound my feet she would use a need and thread to sow the white cloth up so, I couldn't take off. She was the one who helped me wrap my feet, clean my feet and rebind them each time. The bones over time were slowly broken and my feet were full of painful infections. I slept in my shoes and socks and there were many sleepless nights. My mother had smaller feet than mine and my grandmother had even smaller feet than my mother and me.

Her feet were only around three inches long. Men would only marry women who had small feet back then so I think I know why my mum wanted to bind my feet. She was worried I wouldn't be able to find a husband. Everyone had, and I think wanted small feet back then in order to marry. I never wanted to bind the feet of my daughters though. China had banned the practice anyway and it was illegal at that time. I now live with my son and every day my daughter rides her bike for around 20 minutes to come and take care of me at home. Everyday she'll make dumplings for me to eat, cleans the house for us and she still helps me clean bind my feet. If I don't bind my feet now then I find it really uncomfortable and I can't sleep well. I can no longer walk alone and the shoes that I've made are useless as I don't need to wear them anymore. I think bound feet are quite pretty especially with shoes and a dress but I think when they are bare they are quite ugly. 

These days I care most about my family especially my children. When I was 25, the same year as my mother passed away I saw the Japanese. They didn't kill anyone that I knew but they stole our pigs, chickens and sheep which they killed, cooked and ate. They were very rich and they had cars, bikes, trucks, guns and translators. I can't remember what the soldiers looked like exactly as whenever I saw them I dare not look. I never had the chance to study even though my uncle was a teacher. They told us there was no point for girls to study and it would have been a waste of time. I married when I was 25 years old, later than others for that time and gave birth to my first child when I was 27. We had four daughters and two sons. The marriage was arranged and I didn't know the man who I was about to marry. My dad made an arrangement with his family that when we marry his family will let my family keep all the land we owned which they agreed on. We had around 200 acres of land to farm and my family at the time were quite well off. 

I was happy to marry him and I thought he was very handsome. He treated me well but he died about 20 years ago. Life was tough and we were both farmers. We grew corn and after it dried I'd have to grind the corn at the mill. We had to work hard even with small feet. I never had any dreams when I was a little girl about what I wanted to do when I grew older as I knew from a young age the only thing I really could be was a farmer. We lived in a small house with a tiled roof but after some time we managed to refurbished the house which was much bigger and more comfortable. It's the house I still live in now and is where my husband and I lived together for some time. 

During the 1960's and 1970's our family was working class so life wasn't too bad and we were not affected too much unlike some others. Whatever we grew we ate but if we didn't grow crops then we'd starve. Luckily we never went hungry. I was also very good around the house. I could cook for many people, clean and I was good a making shoes and clothes. Throughout my life, I didn't have many happy times but now, I am just glad I don't have to work as hard as I worked before. Growing crops, preparing food, and raising kids and grandkids throughout the four generations of my family wasn't easy. I also don't have many sad times either as before when life was tough for others it wasn't too bad for us. This year I am 93 years old. I'm not scared of dying but I would like to live as long as possible, maybe until I'm 200 years old but I don't think that is possible. I look forward to Spring Festival when everyone visits and the more people that visit the happier I am. I love to see other people feel happy and even more so when it's my family.

Beijing