第198 Her feet were about the same size as a playing card

At the age of six, my mother started to bind my feet. She soaked my feet in warm water and then she broke and bent all the toes under the soles except for the big toes. She then wrapped white bandages around to keep the toes in place. The pain, at times, was unbearable and went from the end of my broken toes all the way up to my knees. They would be bound for around three days at a time and then my mother would help me gently take off the smelly bandages, clean the feet very thoroughly with warm water, cut the toenails and remove any dead skin. If the toenails weren’t cut then they would dig in and cause more pain and infections and the dead skin would become really hard and make it painful to walk. It was also painful to take them off and to clean them but it was really important to do. Over time the bandages slowly became tighter and tighter so the pain became more and more intense. To ease the pain I would try and take a walk outside but I could never walk far and it didn’t really help. I never once took off the bandages to try and ease the pain I was scared my mother would be angry if I did. At ten they were the tightest and they stayed this tight for the next four years until my feet were the size my mother was happy with. There was an arch in my foot and my toes that formed under the soles could almost touch the heels of my feet. The only toe not under the sole was the big toe which stuck out like a thumb. 

At the age of 13, the pain from binding slowly stopped but other things like dead skin and toenails sometimes caused pain. I still had to continue to bind my feet and at this point, I could bind them myself. I had to continue to bind them so they didn't open up and become big once again. I got used to the pain but the pain never went away. Even today they can be sore and troublesome. My son bought me some medicine to use on my feet if they do cause me pain. I bound my feet from the age of six up until around 1949 when China opened up and there was a real push to end foot binding. Before 1949 from the age of six until I was around the age of 16 my feet would be bound both day and night. After 1949 I still bound my feet but it was less important to keep them bound all the time. In the winter I would keep them bound though, to stop them from getting cold. When I was younger I would often ask my mum why she bound my feet and caused me so much pain. She told me that together we needed to make my feet tiny so that when I was older it would be easy for me to find a good man to marry. Young girls and women who didn't have bound feet would be laughed at by others. 

It was considered ugly and strange for a woman to have big feet back then. My mum's feet were smaller than mine, her feet were about the same size as a playing card. I really don't think bound feet look good and it’s really not bad for women. I do not let anyone see my feet. Feet are very important to people, they help us stand, they help us walk and they help us keep balanced but with tiny feet and on an adult body it's hard to do such things. Even harder when you’re pregnant. I didn’t know any different though so, I was used to the fact my feet were only around four inches long. With tiny feet I could do anything someone with big feet could do. Walking long distances after the age of 13, grow vegetables, raise children, cook and clean and anything else that came with being a good wife and mother. I married my husband when I was 20 years old, he was older than me, he was 24. He didn’t like or dislike my feet but he certainly never saw them without bandages. The marriage was arrange with the help of my auntie and I lived about four kilometres from his village. On the wedding day, I wore a red dress with a new pair of yellow shoes. My shoes stuck out from the bottom of the red dress, proudly on show. I was carried on a sedan chair whilst people around me danced and played lively music. I felt happy. I remember my husband was handsome in his suit that looked just like the ones Chairman Mao wore. My husband was a good man. He came from a poor family like me but he had found work with a family that had some money. He could farm, raise livestock and he could also do some carpentry work. He was good at making brooms. His mother was very stingy though. She wouldn't like to share, especially not her money. I remember I really needed to buy some new clothes and I asked if I could borrow some money, I can’t remember exactly how much and I would have paid her back. 

My clothes were full of holes and very dirty but she didn't really care. She never hit me, my husband and his father also never hit me. I felt lucky to be married to a good house. My husband died when he was 59, I was around 55. He liked to drink and he became sick. It was hard to see a doctor back then and hard to buy the medicine he needed so he died. When he passed away I wore dark blue clothes for quite some time out of respect. I missed him and I still miss him but he’s gone. I especially miss him during festival times when everyone is happy with their husbands and their wives. I am happy that they are happy I just miss mine. At the age of around 20, I started to learn how to make shoes, my mother and mother-in-law taught me. I also learnt how to make clothes. Because I didn’t have a job, only to look after the family and grow vegetables, I had some spare time to spend making shoes and clothes for us all. I used to wear colourful shoes with flowers and animals embroidered into them but I can no longer sew, my eyes are not good. I have some plain black and blue shoes and I also have leather shoes which are made in a factory in Hohhot. I had two brothers and one sister. They all had the chance to study unlike me. My sister was lucky and didn't need to bind her feet and girls with unbound feet had the chance to go to school for at least a few years. China was opening up and life became better for them. Live is good for me now though. There are only two ladies left her with bound feet and women like me will soon disappear. I like to live alone but I am 85 so I live with my son, his wife and their son. When they speak Chinese with each other I can’t understand them. I no longer farm but they do. They grow lots of watermelon over the summer which we like to share with our neighbours and they keep sheep.

They buy me new clothes and I do like to make sure my clothes always look nice. I am pretty healthy apart from sometimes I feel dizzy and my heartbeats very fast but that's a part of growing old. They have bought me some medicine for this which helps. I was poor for as long as I can remember but I am happy that my family can live a better life nowadays than I did.

Inner Mongolia 

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我6岁的时候，我妈妈开始给我裹脚。她先把我的脚在温水里泡一会，然后把除了大脚趾之外的所有脚趾头都掰到脚底板下面，最后再用白布把脚缠起来，让脚趾头固定在脚底板下面。有时候脚疼的让人受不了，从断了的脚趾头一直疼到膝盖那里。裹脚一次性要一直裹三天，然后我妈妈会轻轻地帮我松开裹脚布，用温水帮我把脚好好洗一遍，还会帮我剪脚趾甲，去掉脚上的死皮。如果不剪脚趾甲的话，就会长进肉里面，裹脚本来就疼，这样一来就更疼了，而且长进肉里面之后还会引起感染。死皮也要去掉，因为死皮会变得很硬，走路起来特别疼。拆裹脚布洗脚的时候也很疼，但是必须要定期洗脚。裹脚越往后裹脚布越紧，脚也越来越疼。为了少疼一点，我会尝试在外面走走路，但是我没法走远。我也从来没有自己松过裹脚布。10岁的时候，是裹脚裹得最紧的时候，就一直这么紧的裹了4年。14岁的时候，我的脚和我妈妈的脚一样大，她很满意。我脚背拱起来了，脚趾头能碰到脚后跟。除了大脚趾之外，所有的脚趾头都在脚底板下面，只有大脚趾伸着。其实13岁的时候，裹脚就没不怎么疼了，但是死皮和脚趾头还是会让脚很疼。当时还是要继续裹脚，但是我能够自己裹了。我必须要继续裹脚，不然脚一放开就又会变大。我已经习惯了脚疼，一直都脚疼。就算现在，我的脚还是会酸会不舒服。我儿子给我买了一些药，让我脚疼的时候可以涂在脚上。我从6岁开始裹脚，一直裹到1949年中国成立的时候，当时国家强力制止裹脚。在1949年之前，从6岁到16岁我每天每夜都裹脚。

1949年之后，我还是裹脚，但是不需要每时每刻都要裹着了。冬天的时候，我会裹脚，主要是为了保暖。我小时候问我妈妈，为什么要给我裹脚，给我造成很大的痛苦，她说只有小脚以后才能嫁给一个好男人。那时候，没裹脚的小姑娘和妇女们会被人嘲笑，人们都觉得大脚很丑，女人有一双大脚也很奇怪。我妈妈的脚比我的脚小，她的脚只有扑克牌那么大。我不觉得裹脚好看，还给女性造成很大伤害。脚是人们很重要的一部分，站着要脚，走路要脚，保持平衡也要脚，但是小脚的妇女们很难做到这三件事。要是再怀孕了，就更难了。我不知道大脚的生活方不方便，我习惯了自己的小脚，我的脚只有4寸长，但是任何其他大脚妇女能做的事情我也都能做。从我13岁时候裹脚裹好了之后，我能走长路，自己种菜，照顾孩子，做饭，打扫卫生，做为一个妻子和一个母亲，这些活我都能做。我20岁的时候，嫁给了我丈夫，他比我大四岁，他没有不喜欢也没有喜欢我的小脚，但是他一直没有见过我光脚的样子。我们是在我阿姨介绍下认识的，见面没多久我们就结婚了，我娘家离他们村大概4公里。结婚那天，我穿了红裙子，一双黄色的新鞋子，能从我红裙子外面看到我的鞋子。我当时坐轿子过来的，周围人在我旁边奏乐。

我记得我丈夫当时穿着礼服毛主席一样的礼服，很帅。其实我不是很在乎他长什么样子，我能嫁出去就很开心了。结婚当天我收到的礼物是两套新衣服。因为我娘家离得不远，我可以自己回家，但是不是经常回去，我一般一年回去一次，有时候运气好的话，一年两次，我一般是春节回去，回家要2小时，回来要另外2小时。等我孩子大点能够自己走路的时候，我回家也会带着他们和我一起。我和我丈夫总共有3个儿子2个女儿，孩子们没有别的选择，只能和我一起走，因为每次从娘家回来的时候我要带很多礼品，一般是一大袋面粉，很重。我丈夫是个好人。他家里以前很穷，和我一样，但是他当时在给一个富人家干活。我们自己种地，养牲畜，他还能做些木匠活，他很会做扫把。但是他妈妈很小气，不喜欢分享东西，特别是她的钱。有一次，我特别需要钱买新衣服，我问她能不能借点钱，我记不清当时具体要借多少钱了，我肯定会还给她的，但是她当时没有借给我。不过，她和我公公，我丈夫从来没有打过我。我觉得自己很幸运，嫁到了一户好人家。我丈夫59岁的时候去世了，我当时大概是55岁。他生前喜欢喝酒，后来生病了，当时很难找到医生看病，也很难买到药。他去世了以后，我很久一段时间都穿深蓝色衣服。我一直都很想他，但是他已经不在了。每次逢年过节的时候，各个都和自己丈夫和自己妻子欢天喜地的，我替他们开心，但是我也格外想我自己的丈夫。我大概20岁左右的时候，开始学怎么做鞋子，我妈妈和我婆婆都教过我，我还和她们学过怎么做衣服。因为我不上班，只在家里带孩子，种菜，我有很多空时间来做鞋子，我穿的鞋子颜色很显眼，上面还绣有花和动物，但是我现在不能自己做鞋子了，我眼睛不好。我有一些纯黑色和蓝色的鞋子，还有呼和浩特工厂做的皮鞋。我有两个兄弟一个妹妹，他们和我不一样，他们有机会读书。我妹妹很幸运，不用裹脚，没裹脚的姑娘能上学，当时中国也在开放，他们的生活好多了。

但是我现在的生活也很不错，我们这里只剩下2个裹脚老太太了，像我这样的老奶奶快要没了。我今年85岁，和我儿子儿媳妇，还有孙子一起住。他们说汉语的时候，我听不懂。我现在不用自己种地了，但是他们还种地。他们在夏天种很多西瓜，还养了很多羊。他们会帮我买新衣服，但是我想确保新衣服要在我身上穿的好看才可以。我现在身体很健康，只是偶尔感觉有点头晕，心跳很快，不过年纪大了，都有这些毛病。我儿子他们还给我买了药，要是头晕或者心跳太快，我就可以吃点药，我这一辈子穷了很久，我和我家人们现在日子好多了，我很开心。

内蒙古

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