【视频】为什么你总是无法成为你想要的那个样子？

There's a widely-held belief that self-discipline means being able to do something when you don't actually want to do it.

人们普遍认为，自律意味着去做不想做的事情。

People who believe this think that self-discipline means going to the gym, reading books,

持有这一观点的人认为自律意味着去健身房，看书，

or eating chicken and broccoli when you don't actually want to.

或者吃你并不想吃的鸡肉和西兰花。

For them, self-discipline means ignoring your authentic-self in favor of your ideal-self.

对他们来说，自律意味着忽略真实的自我，而做理想的自我。

But this view of self-discipline is completely deluded.

但这种关于自律的观点是完全错误的。

Imagine that you've been taken prisoner by a criminal.

想象一下，你被一个坏人抓住了。

And the criminal starts making demands of you.

这个坏人指使你做这个做那个的。

He says: Cook me dinner.

他命令你去做饭。

Now clean my house.

他命令你去打扫房子。

Now go sleep in that corner.

他命令你在那个角落里睡觉。

If you do these things even though you don't want to, if you suppress your authenticity in favor of his ideal, does that make you disciplined?

如果你做了，但是是在你不想做的情况下，如果你为了他的想法而压抑自己内心的真实感受，这不就是自律的感觉吗？

Or does it just make you a really good slave?

真的是吗？还是，让你成为一个听话乖巧的好仆人？

An obedient prisoner?

一个顺从的囚犯？

And what do you think will happen to you as you live more and more like a prisoner, continuing to do things that you don't want to do?

当你越来越像囚犯一样生活，继续做你不想做的事情时，你认为会怎么样？

Suppressing your authenticity in favor of his ideal?

为了他人的想法而压抑你的真实感受？

Will you love your master and be happy?

你会爱你的主人并且感到快乐吗？

Or will you become resentful, angry, and full of sadness, regretting the life you never got to live?

或者你会变得怨恨，愤怒，充满悲伤，后悔你本可以过上的另一种人生？

Obviously, the answer is the latter.

显然，答案是后者。

Suppressing your authenticity comes at a cost.

抑制自我的真实感受是会付出代价的。

I know this from first-hand experience.

我自己就亲身经历过这一点。

There was a time in my life when I lived very inauthentically.

在我的生命中，有一段时间，我整天浑浑噩噩地混日子。

Instead of following my sincere desire to become a psychologist and philosopher, I studied engineering.

我没有追求成为一名心理学家和哲学家的真诚理想，而是学习了工程学。

I neglected my authentic-self and followed the ideals of society.

我忽略了真实的自我，努力把自己塑造成社会想要的样子。

I thought I was doing what I should do in order to succeed and be respected by society.

我认为我是在做我应该做的事情，可以取得成功并受到社会的尊重。

And in order to follow society's ideals, I had to repress my authentic-self.

为了听从社会的要求，我不得不压抑真实的自我。

I told myself that psychology and philosophy were a waste of time, even though I felt called to study them.

我告诉自己，心理学和哲学是在浪费时间，尽管我觉得有必要去研究它们。

I told myself a life full of money was more important than a life full of purpose.

我告诉自己，一个充满金钱的生活比一个充满目标的生活更重要。

And I told myself that society, and the people around me, knew what I should want out of life better than I do.

我告诉自己，社会和我周围的人比我更清楚我应该从生活中得到什么。

And by repressing my authentic-self, I became out of touch with my own true feelings, desires, and instincts.

通过压抑真实的自我，我与自己的真实感受、欲望和本能脱节。

And this loss of connection took a very real toll on my health, causing me to develop lots of GI issues.

这种脱节对我的健康造成了非常严重的影响，导致我出现了很多肠胃问题。

For a deeper look at the science behind the connection between authenticity and health, I recommend reading Dr Gabor Mate's new book,

为了更深入地了解真实性和健康之间联系背后的科学，我推荐阅读盖尔伯博士的这本新书，

The Myth of Normal.

正常的神话。

Suppressing your authenticity will always take a real cost on your health.

压抑真实的自我会损害自身的身体健康。

Forcing yourself to do things you don't want to do is not self-discipline.

强迫自己做你不想做的事情不是自律。

It's slavery.

这是奴隶制。

And every slave eventually becomes resentful, revengeful, and regretful.

每个奴隶最终都会充满怨恨、仇恨和悔恨。

Sacrificing your authenticity for society's ideal will make you miserable, not happy.

为了社会的理想而牺牲你真实的自我只会让你痛苦，而不会让你快乐。

And no matter how long you force it, you will always eventually fail in the long-run.

无论这种外力施加的时间有多长，从长远来看，你最终都会失败。

And that's a good thing too.

这也是一件好事。

Because who wants to live their whole life as a slave?

因为谁愿意一辈子做奴隶呢？

So what does it really mean to be self-disciplined?

那么，自律到底意味着什么呢？

A truly self-disciplined person is a disciple of themselves.

一个真正自律的人是自己的信徒。

They're an eternal student.

他们永远都在不断地学习。

Rather than trying to suppress, repress, control, or force their genuine feelings in a specific direction, they try to understand them.

他们不是试图压制、压抑、控制或强迫他们的真实感受朝着特定的方向发展，而是试图理解它们。

And through understanding, they learn how to allow their authentic-self to flourish.

通过理解，他们学会了如何让他们真实的自我蓬勃发展。

And by allowing their authentic-self to flourish, they live lives of wholeness and happiness, not resentment and regret.

通过让他们真实的自我蓬勃发展，他们过着完整和幸福的生活，而不是充满着怨恨和后悔。

But how does someone become a disciple of themselves in the first place?

但是，一个人如何才能成为自己的信徒呢？

By discovering their own ideals, not society's.

需要发掘自己的理想，而不是成为社会想让你成为的样子。

They follow their own interests and confront the challenges that they personally feel called to confront.

需要追求自己的利益，面对个人认为需要面对的挑战。

They walk a path that is their own, not the path society has laid out for them.

需要走属于自己的道路，而不是社会铺设的道路。

They pursue what they genuinely want, not what society tells them to pursue.

需要追求自己真正想要的，而不是社会要求的。

For the person who becomes a disciple of themselves, self-control is never an issue.

对于成为自己的信徒的人来说，自我控制从来都不是问题。

There are no issues of control.

其实，根本不存在控制的问题。

Because there is nothing to control.

因为没有什么可控制的。

They move as one harmonious unit.

他们像一个和谐的整体一样行动。

If you force yourself to do things you don't want to do, if you follow society's ideal, your ideal-self will repress your authentic-self.

如果你强迫自己做你不想做的事情，如果你追随社会的理想，你的理想自我将压抑你的真实自我。

You will become a slave in your own body, and your body will take its revenge.

你将成为一个束缚在空洞的躯壳里的一个奴隶，你的身体就会向你复仇。

But if you become a disciple of yourself, if you understand your own genuine feelings, desires, and nature, if you discover your own ideal,

但如果你成为自己的信徒，如果你了解自己真实的情感、欲望和自然，如果你发现了自己的理想，

your ideal-self will work harmoniously with your authentic-self to promote growth.

你的理想自我将与你真实的自我和谐合作，促进成长。

So here's the secret to self-discipline.

所以这就是自律的秘诀。

Self-discipline is not about forcing yourself to meet society's ideal, but rather becoming a student of yourself.

自律不是强迫自己达到社会的要求，而是成为自己的信徒。

It's about discovering your own ideal and allowing your authentic-self to flourish.

所以，你需要发现自己的理想，让真实的自我蓬勃发展。